When it’s not the most wonderful time of the year

I love the run up to Christmas. I love that Christmas decorations are up the day after Halloween has ended. I love decorating my home, baking and watching Christmas movies. Christmas brings me so much joy. That is why it took me some time to realise what the thick lump in my belly was that appeared the day before the 24th of December and why my throat thickened when my mum texted me and asked if we could make a stop at a family member before returning home the 26th. Because, I used to feel excited for Christmas but somewhere it stopped being the most wonderful time of the year.

I’m an only child and my parents got divorced when I was around fifteen and shortly after that, my dad moved abroad. Since family is so important during Christmas I feel like I will always disappoint one of my parents because I cannot be there with them. I know a lot of people feel the same or struggle in some other way during Christmas. Because it is a season of a lot of expectations of happy family gatherings, decorations and Christmas presents. So, if you also struggle with Christmas I want to encourage you to take a little simpler approach. M said something so beautiful to me when we spoke about Christmas expectations one evening. He said that it is important to give time to feel and not just do. I would like to add that when you are starting to feel, remember that it is ok to feel both happy and sad. We cannot grow if we don’t feel all the feelings and we are supposed to feel it all. There is nothing wrong with that.